so everything that happens ive learned is a repricution of other things that ive done. im going to be a freshman in college in the fall. its not long now til i walk away from the place ive known all my life. and the thing that sucks the most is that im leaving some people behind. and a couple of these people are people that i never thought i would care about. or that would care about me. ive had a friend for a while now and ive always known that he had a thing for me. i just never felt that way about him. well we went out and now i have all these feelings that i cant actually explain. i told him that i liked him. all the while this one guy has been at the back of my mind for months. even while i was with another guy i was thinking about this other guy, we'll call him Baller. the long time friend we'll call, Jedi. so i told jedi that i like him yet baller was there at the back of my mind. me and baller have a history and he is now dating a friend of mine, he's also younger. well i was talking to baller a little while ago and he tells me that he never got over me and that he's willing to wait for me. the only reason why i said anything to jedi was because i thought that baller was totally out of reach. baller tells me that i should go ahead with jedi because he'll be here when i come back. baller is willing to wait for me and that really says something to me. im just kind of freakin here because no one has ever said they would wait for me and that they love me that much. everyone says that that is true love. but i dont believe in love. i only believe in lust. im pretty sure that this wont be my belief for all my life. i just havent me that guy that has changed my mind about it. maybe both of these guys can give me a second chance at this whole love thing.